The other side

The last 5 months of Tim's time in Africa has been quite an experience.  Admittedly, I really had no idea what I was signing up for, I just knew this was the path I was to follow.  Actually, Tim going without our family was my idea, a solution that rid us of the few obstacles that stood in the path of doing what we felt led to do.  Now those of you that know our story in any detail over the last 20 years, know that our marriage has been characterized by me being sick and Tim taking care of me and in general, lots of chaos.  Until January, the longest I had been left on my own was 2 weeks. I had two young children then and thought I was drowning.  Little did I know...but then ignorance is bliss.

So unless you all get the false picture that we are something that we are not, I thought I would tell you some of the stories that have happened since Tim has been in Africa.  This way you can see that pastor's families and missionaries are (well, THIS family/missionaries, I shouldn't say for all) are not somehow especially on track with God, only different in job title/calling. One may feel called to be a plumber by his skill set, circumstances, and training.  Others may be led to law, medicine, or construction. We were led to ministry.  This just means we're equipped and called to something different. The result is that though many feel that ministers and missionaries have some corner on the market of knowing God, and very often think or even expect that we have something to give you that other Christians cannot, this is a centuries' old assumption.  I am here to debunk that theory. So just sit back and enjoy the stateside Kay family review of the Spring. 

Well,  here is the reality from inside the fish bowl (the common metaphor for how ministry families feel, the idea being that everyone is watching every move we make).  This is it:  we are all a mess.  When I told a good friend that my daughter said that, after many years of spending time in their home, that their family apparently operated similarly to ours, she said "well, then, your family must be wacky".  So there is the truth, we are wacky, often more so than the average family.  So, though you have heard all the amazing things that God has done through Tim's ( and some ours) ministry, you need to hear what has been going on here at home.  

When Tim first left, I was honestly pretty excited.  Yes, I know, some of you can't identify, but those of you who like control like me, can speak this language.  See, I thought that since almost all of the problems created in this house were Tim's fault and since things always went "more smoothly" when he was gone, that this would just be five months of well, freedom.  I could do things the way I wanted, the biggest eater in the house would be gone, making cereal for dinner a very viable option, and the chaos of our lives would be dispelled because of my wonderful organization and great parenting skills.  In addition, we moved into a VERY small apartment to make life simpler.   So in addition to control and order of the family, I would be able to control order in my home ( yes, that was purposeful repetition of the same key word, CONTROL).  Finally, we homeschool, and just like

all parts of our lives, I had the humble idea that it was going to be much easier to get things done 

because Tim would not be here to interfere or to need me.  We were going to rock, be homeschooling ninjas, and be done with school BEFORE we even left for Africa.  I hope now that you have a clear picture  of my attitude as Tim left, but in case you don't , it went something like this "well, Tim is supposed to go to Africa and then I get to stay here and finally do things in the way that they have needed to be done for a long time".  Obviously, this wasn't off to a good start.

You may wonder if I told him my thoughts.  Oh, maybe not clearly, but I think he had some idea, since I seem to have a billboard flashing across my forehead every feeling that I am having at any given moment. So off we headed into this " adventure".  I had people calling me brave, telling me I was so good for being faithful to follow God, so sacrificial to give up my husband, and how exciting to see God work in such an amazing way.  I will say that my toe was dipped in those waters of truth, but just DIPPED. 

I was on a mission, but it was "Mission Prove Myself".  Looking back, I really thought I was going to pull this off, come out with glowing satisfaction on the other side regarding my own sense of self AND in the process our friends in Africa were going to be helped. I was pumped.  I sent Tim off with a tinge of sadness and returned home.  Little did I know what was ahead of me. I am glad that I did not.

Stayed tuned for the next post and learn the "rest of the story"...

Passports arrived.